A Fair Exchange
by Kyouka Natsuki
Summary: Oneshot wherein Sesshoumaru discovers what fatherly love is...


**Disclaimer: for the snippets of The Raven from Edgar Allan Poe and Inuyasha- a little oneshot that just had to be written. **

**I've just fixed up the last part, because it was not mixing with the rest of the story…**

**A Fair Exchange**

_He was surprised when the raven replied to his musing, an answer that made sense. Then he thinks again and says to himself that that's probably all it can say. He thinks that it probably had an owner that was very depressing because many bad things happened to him until he only knew that feeling. 'Till his dreams died until it was only that word "never".' The raven makes his curiosity and imagination spark. He wants to learn more about the bird and pulls up a chair in front of it. He sits down and tries to find out why the bird kept saying "nevermore". _

He pulled up a chair, next to his muse, a little girl that would keep him going. This next painting would be his painting of paintings. After he finished it, he would dispose of the girl, and find her replacement. This cycle occurred every month. It would live with him, until the time his latest project had finished. He examined the little girl with raven locks, and empty eyes, that did not look like they had a story, but then he remembers everyone has one and that was why she was here.

It was two days after their first meeting, and he was stumped. She would not answer any of his questions, but replied in a bubbly 'good morning' or 'Rin wants to go pick flowers'. He had thought o f the possibility of a learning disability, but it was nonexistent. She was ahead of her age in every area. She would not talk about her past and the emotion that wracked her past life.

It was a disappointment.

He had no hardcore emotions, only his sangfroid self.

He needed that bitterness of life from his muses, the feeling they felt as if they were cheated of life and betrayed. He used those feelings to pull inspiration into his painting. He used them as he used everyone, to create the perfect painting.

And that was all that mattered.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"_Nevermore," the raven quipped in reply. _

"_Damn it! Talk to me!" The raven had no answer. _

"_What am I trying to accomplish?" He said aloud. "I want to bring her back. But are you going to?"_

"_Nevermore," quoth the raven. _

"_Will you not answer me appropriately?" He growled. _

_The raven stood still on the statue of Athena, croaking his usual answer eliciting another frustrated groan from the master. _

"_Nevermore." _

"What are we doing now Sesshoumaru-sama?" She asked excitedly. Her head popped up from the bushes, hair bouncing along while she skipped.

They passed a babbling brook fit with a miniature bridge over it. Fish swam under the bridge, flitting around, like the birds above.

He took a look at the girl, walking in long strides to keep up with her jumpy skipping. He spotted a stone bench in the middle of a rose garden. "Over here."

They walked over to the bench and sat down as they started their daily discussion.

"Did you have an enjoyable time here so far?" The words that came out of his mouth naturally were caring, but the tone was not.

"Yup, Sesshoumaru-sama, I have very good times here!" She nodded her head to confirm her point, clutching a teddy bear in one arm. "You treat me really good compared to before."

Yes, this was his opening. "Does that mean your life before wasn't very good?" He glanced at her reaction, astonished to hear irrepressible giggles and one of her small hands covering her mouth to smother them.

"No silly!" She admonished, in the middle of her giggling fit. "I meant before at the beginning, you weren't very nice to me. You yelled at me a lot, you know. But you're nice now." She held up her teddy bear. "You gave me Samuel." She set the stuffed animal beside her, between Sesshoumaru and herself.

He reconsidered his approach to the topic. He would make this blunt. "How was your family?"

"Very nice. They hugged me a lot and gave me lots of stuff," she thought for a moment before finishing with, "and lots of love!" She jumped up onto the bench and glimpsed the garden beyond. "Play with me Sesshoumaru-sama! There's so much pretty stuff over there!"

One would smile at this display of childish amusement, but no, he was more than annoyed_. Just irritated_. "Sit down Rin," he berated. He pulled her down onto the bench once more.

"Now, were your parents mean to you?" She had just told him they were nice, but posing the question in a different light always made the answer different.

Her smile dissolved and her face became very much like his, her eyes becoming as blank as sheets of paper. "No."

"Did you hate them?"

"No."

"Do you hate anyone? Or dislike anyone?" He added the last question, not knowing if she understood the full meaning of the word 'hate'.

"No."

"Did anyone treat you badly?"

Once again the answer was, "No."

He was on the verge of truly losing it. Later that day he called the adoption agency. The head of the whole operation answered. "Hope Adoption Agency, Maria speaking."

He cut straight to business. "This is Sesshoumaru, Maria. I am inquiring about Rin Kogawa," he stated. "Are you sure she has had a difficult past?"

Maria was a little bothered by this question. This adopter seemed intent on being reassured of the fact she had a hard life. It was unnerving to say the least.

Sesshoumaru sensed apprehension on the other end and then she spoke, "I am pretty sure. I'll go check her file." He heard her put the receiver down and came back, flicking through pages of paper. "Let's see. Rin Kogawa…age 8…shy, timid…deathly afraid…dreams of killing…family slaughtered by rogue wolves and bandits." She explained, "They lived in a rural area, far away from the city."

This confirmed what he had thought at first. Had he gotten the right girl? Shy and timid, did not describe the outgoing fun, little girl who was sleeping in her Barbie themed bedroom. More like loud and loquacious…those would be his adjectives. Dreams of killing? This was perfect for his painting, yet it did not show in the young girl.

Patiently, Maria asked, "Is there anything else you would like to know?"

"No," he answered, "that is all."

He hung up the phone even more confused than before.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"_You are no raven!" He yelled out to the empty room. "The devil sent you here to spite me!" _

"_Nevermore," crackled into the tension filled air. _

"_Oh, no, the devil would not send such a creature. She has sent you, has she?" He raised his hands upward. "From the heavens above?" _

_Once again, it answered the word it had always said, "Nevermore." _

"_Get away! Get away! Leave me alone, I beg you." The word echoed in his head still, and the bird was not answering. _

"_Nevermore," it suddenly said, still sitting. It never moved, nor made any other sound. _

_It would never go, and leave him be. He implored no more. _

It was almost four weeks, nearing the end of the month and the time she was to spend with him. They had had the same daily routine which played out the same way every day, with no results, but Sesshoumaru was filled with new hard-set resolve. He led her deeper into the garden, where the rarest flowers were kept, under almost constant supervision. He had already alerted the gardeners to leave in the afternoon, so there was a relaxing atmosphere.

Just him and her…would he finally be able to crack her? It was impossible to say, but over the three and a half weeks time, she had shared so much with him and she trusted him so much now. His stubborn chin was set on accomplishing the impossible. Bringing the dark part of her to life. He disregarded his feelings for the little girl over the course of time, but couldn't help but feel a little closer to her. But she _was _only an object.

_A means to an end,_ he reminded himself again.

"So, Rin, how was your day?" He inquired politely.

"Good. Rin liked painting with her hands. I liked feeling the squishiness." She flashed him a brilliant smile.

He nodded slowly. "That's nice." This was it. The defining moment… "Do you want to tell me what happened to your family?" He held his breath in anticipation.

Surprisingly, instead of the usual answer, she replied, "They died." Her voice was monotonous, her hands limp. She turned a pale colour as blood was drawn out of her face.

He had to ease into the questions, so he waited a while before he asked the next one. "How did they die?"

She didn't answer immediately and her head tilted toward the ground. Before she started, she asked, "You won't laugh at Rin, will you?"

The breath he had been holding escaped, but he tensed knowing children were fickle and could change their mind at any time. "Of course I won't," he said reassuringly. "Go on."

"Mommy helped Rin get up from her chair, and then the door broke down," Her voice faltered and crystal tears fell from her big scared eyes. "They were big and shaggy. They bit mommy and chewed her." She was sobbing now. "There was blood everywhere." She shuddered in revulsion at the memory. She stopped referring to herself in the third person. "I-I went up to the wolf and I wanted to hit him, but daddy stopped me and tried to fight him off, but they ate him too and they ate everyone in the whole town." Her eyes seemed lifeless, even more than before. "Their bodies were…everywhere." She sobbed even more than before, and could hardly catch her breath. Her body shuddered involuntarily. She had never felt this way before. It was something so uncontrollable.

Her eyes were swollen and red and her cheeks felt stiff because of the tears drying on her skin. She was shaking with fear, eyes wide, recreating the scene in her mind over and over again. She resembled a rag doll, her hair messy and her hunched shoulders, defeated.

Sesshoumaru was not satisfied. "Did you hate them?"

"I hate them!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. He had taught her those words. He noticed she used them quite masterfully. "They killed them, my parents…" She gasped for air, and suddenly her senses came flooding back. "Wolves," she stated. "They were only wolves that were hungry; maybe they killed them, because they were very hungry."

Sesshoumaru was again, surprised. She was such an insightful girl, but, he shook his head. That was not what he wanted, or desired, but he had one more trick up his sleeve. "What happened after your parents were killed?"

Rin turned away from her hero, feeling ashamed of herself. "Rin doesn't remember," she replied hastily. She was clearly, not being truthful. Was she intelligent enough that she had she realized that he wanted nothing more but to make her angry?

No, it was not meant to be so. She smiled and gave him a big bear hug. "Can Rin tell you after lunch?" No, she was too trusting to realize anything that heinous.

Her bright eyes looked up at his eyes so innocently. He sighed. This was just a small setback, a delay. He reached out for her hand. She took it, and they weaved out of the garden. Somehow, he knew it was more than a delay. This was a sign. This was a chance.

He could still change his mind.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Good Rin." He patted her on her head.

In the last hour she had told him her dreams and nightmares, her failures and her successes, and with all the raw emotion he'd never accumulate over his entire lifetime. She told him of the bandits that came to the village, defiling her parents' bodies, how they had hurt her, and the feeling of watching them in their helpless state like a coward. He had brought out emotions that a small girl like her should not feel at such an age, but still he did not change his mind. Why would he? No emotions, remember?

The next day he got rid of her, burying her deep beneath the soil in his innermost garden.

The next day he started his painting, thinking with a sinking feeling that it would be his best one yet. In irony, it had been the most disastrous, and hideous painting he had ever made. With every stroke of the paintbrush came that dread, that sadness, and that anguish. He also felt something he thought he would never in eternity, feel. It was disgust with himself.

A sudden revelation crossed his mind that made him angry as his morals came rushing back after centuries collecting dust in the back of his head. Unlike the raven, she was not supernatural. She was not only human, but a little girl. She had given him her heart, her soul, and her mind to play with.

The others were different, weren't they…Rin wanted to live and could live, lightheartedly unlike the others he had killed who were bitter and jaded already.

One beautiful day, he made haste to the garden, barren and ugly, because of the neglect it had over the years and uncovered her grave and looked into her blank rotten eyes. He realized that the blank eyes had such vibrancy in them, especially when she was alive.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The End.

Did you guys like it?


End file.
